Some people used to be so simple. When I was a kid, I have an ambition to become a doctor, because my parents used to teach me that, and because I love to repair and fix things not matter mechanically, electronically, or or biologically. And also because my mother loves asking me to put handy-plaster whenever she gets a cut slicing fish or veggies. That was me, during my childhood.
After that in lower secondary school, I thought that it's good to become a teacher because a teacher of mine used to come to class and sleep on the teacher's desk or babble around about something out of our syllabus. And I felt that it's good for me to become a teacher, because I could come to work and have a dirty chit-chat with my students. hmmmmm sounds fun.
Then, during upper secondary school, I got drowned in music. that was good. but then I started to get a hold on musical instruments. and that was when I started to lost myself. I kept telling myself that I wanted to be a musician. And that was when I were in a phase called "hyper-pathetic". I did those bundle of 10 exams very badly because I came to exam and sleep for the first 30-minutes and then answered those paper cincai-ly. And also because, I cant get a hold of patience on getting freedom and ending the school era.
And then I involved myself in business during matriculation. I managed a business of a friend of mine and I started to liking it and produced "Aku nak jadi bisnesman lah sial", selling cigarettes and some food and also some things. That was when I, no, us a big number of team of friends of mine developed on how to be conman, by running away from administration, getting chased by security guards, and other problems we caused, we could escape that easily although at times, it needs a lot of perseverance, loyalty, respect, and also being cunning. That made me make a conclusion, businesses have always been a big headache. unless if you`re seriously good in managements, laws, looking awe-dary and street smart.
I stopped that phase, continuing on and moving on. I get 2 interviews of TESL (teaching english as second language) and Sarjana Muda Senibina from UiTM Lendu and UiTM Larkin. but I failed because I didnt do the interviews very well; I dont know how to speak in English very fluently and my drawing skills have been blunt, and because I leave those things for so long, I'm not even sure how to start again. still I thought I deserve another chance. Moving on again.
Next (as expected), as I said, I deserve another new chance. I went into a university continuing on civil engineering. Highlight: and this was when I also met some few good people, too, again. At first, it was good. I even wanted to be a Contractor or an Architect or even an IR Engineer. and then a few things happened, this and that occurs making it a 'my phase of great depression and mental illness'. And dont be ridiculous, I`ve been everywhere, done that, did that, burned that, vandalized that, penetrated some heavy load of bullshits, sighing smiles with 5 shoulders whom I dont even know who they were before that, sacrificing for 5 people who used to be a complete strangers before that, and then, I quit that university. No, dont get me wrong, this is not a mengungkit session. This is a moment of reminiscing, making me eternally remember who used to back me up during my ups and downs with a heavy weight on my shoulders. They helped me carry it, though, making those heavy things lighter.
Let's just stop until that part.
And this post is for you. You know who you are, a friend who have been dealing with great heavy things and great drama, and I've been a villain in it once or twice. This is your turn. Sorry I never functioned as a 'grown-up and matang' in our group, instead, I functioned as a happy looking jasper. And as you said, there's a side of everyone that they dont make it naked everyday. And this is a side of me that I need to speak out loud, so that you dont get me wrong as if I've been forgetting all those memorable things from the past. After all, there are many sides of me I've been transformed into, but I never show it much. Everyone is respectively a larva and a chameleon, you know it that much.
Life used to be so simple, kan. Sorry I failed terribly at being an optimistic. Sorry aku takde time kau tengah down. And sorry again sebab aku percaya orang buat fitnah pasal kau.
Although kita dah split lain lane, tapi kita still boleh jumpa balik kat next stesyen yg sama kan? Peh penat sial aku ajar kau pasal stesyen LRT dulu kat KL. haha
And if you think God puts you in the wrong place, think again. Errors were made by us. If you feel that you`re in the wrong place, please blame yourself, dont blame God. Again, If you feel that you`re in the wrong place, then, make things right.
Cakap pasal errors, aku sebenarnya ada kata-kata philosophy pasal errors, life dgn binary codes 1010101010 tp better aku leave it out for next time. hahah.
Sounds a bit gay-ish, dont you think? Haha you know I`m gonna end things up with a little silly joke. After all, aku memang tak reti nak jadi matang.
We should put out a calculator and count up how many times have I been serious. And trust me, close people around me have always said that they dont like a taste of me being so serious. kau sendiri cakap camtu kan? :]
And i`m not gonna be active in blog for a while. till then, see you when another problem comes up.
And dont be so depressed. We respectively have all been scattered here and there, but you know, wait until the jigsaw puzzle complete. And kalao nak nangis, nangis je lah. "Tak payah nak simpan dalam" - bak kata ajwad. hahahahah. And you should just move on. Bye.
"and dont get me wrong. neither dont get me right. but get yourself first"